Deaf is Okay

When I was younger, I knew I was different but never knew how me being different would really carve out the person I am today. All I knew of it was IT being a colorful thing that stuck in my ear and having the other kids in class stare at me like I was an animal at a zoo. Other kids running to the teacher yelling.. "WHAT IS THAT IN HER EAR"?... And never being able to feel like I could "blend in" or hide in the back of the class because I had to sit in the front to "hear better"

All these little things made me realize at a young age that I was different than the other kids. But when I went home and my voice wasn't portrayed to sound funny when I talked to mom and my thing that was stuck in my ear could be taken out and I could be content with just coloring in my coloring books.. I felt like any other kid should feel.. Normal.

The older I got, the smarter I got.. the more clear I realized that being different is being left out.. being stared at longer.. being "tested" at how far can that girl hear me from on the playground, to having adults talk to me out of sympathy.

You just get used to it... But getting used to it was realizing that I looked around on Friday afternoons and the other girls were having sleepovers and talking about going to the big birthday party this weekend that I never got an invitation to. My "getting used to it" was not getting the same experiences that the other girls got. My normal was coming home and hanging out with mom, making popcorn and watching a movie together.. only to find out that she fell asleep too early for a Saturday night!

I was all alone in a world that I really didn't feel like it belonged to.. Yes.. I could talk and yes, I could communicate.. but my voice sounded funny. I didn't really belong to the hearing world.. but I didn't fully belong to the Deaf world either.. I was right in the middle which was the worse feeling.

When I was 12 and went to Iowa School for the Deaf.. the greatest gift it gave me was that I was never looked at differently for having a funny voice and something stuck in my ear, because that was everyone that went there! It came with its own hardships and struggles, but the best thing it gave me to hold onto in life was knowing that being Deaf is okay.