Deaf with a "D"

I regard myself as a Deaf person.

Although I am able to "hear" and speak, I am proud to be just.. Deaf. I never knew where I belonged when I was younger. I felt both accepted and rejected by people. I went to a school for the Deaf. I primarily use American Sign Language. I rely on accommodations that should be accessible to all Deaf individuals.

And I still regard myself as a Deaf person.

I always get the question.. "Why did you go to a Deaf school if you can "hear" and speak?

This question is always a tricky question, because going to a school for the Deaf was both a curse and a blessing..

Being excluded throughout mainstream schooling, I never once imagined I could be excluded from "my own kind"... they were just like me... some could hear better and others, worse.. but we were all going to the same school. But I never thought that I wouldn't be "Deaf" enough to fit in.

In the Deaf community there is and always has been rejection towards others who do not embrace being Deaf to the fullest. They tend to think of their Deafness as being the defining factor of who they are and how they live. They realize you do well in English class and you are immediately considered as if you are better than others. If you are able to hear one bit, you are treated as an outsider. You decided to use your voice or put on your aid, you are looked down for talking because we should all be tremendously proud of being... Deaf.

I still regard myself as a Deaf person.

But I never knew how much pushing myself to be the "Deafest" I could be would affect me later on in life. Here I am applying to jobs, I never thought about having to put down where I graduated High School from when I chose to go to a Deaf school. So here I am writing, "School for the Deaf" on applications.. what are they going to think?

Is this why I haven't landed a job yet? Because they see the word, "Deaf" and immediately you're classified to not have the same potentials as a hearing person would have. How do you explain to someone who has no exposure to being Deaf that you are a Deaf person but yet, you can "hear" and speak? But at the same time you don't want to over-do it because you know you'll have that one scenario where someone will say your name and you won't hear it. Or someone is talking to you and you're trying so hard to "act" like you know what they're saying and you just do an awkward laugh and nod your head. This is where it becomes sticky, and you try so hard to just be normal, but inside I know I am different than every other person in my workplace. Fewer than 40% of the Deaf population are able to land full time employment.

Yet, I still regard myself as a Deaf person.

I'm inspired to pursue the dream of having equal opportunity to all Deaf individuals and breaking down the obstacles that are to this day barricading many talented and inspirational human beings who just cannot simply hear. I will always feel separated from the hearing world in important ways. But I will always feel separated from the Deaf world in some ways too that was always supposed to give me assurance that I was and am not alone. Maybe the problem is both worlds are not working together?

I still regard myself as a Deaf person.